Lost in Memories
by Al Bhed- Pypa
Summary: Kakashi reminisces on how he and Rin had each other for support through the losses of their team mates until 4 became one


Whenever I come to his memorial before a mission, I think about him. About how things could have been different. About how he could have still been alive. But this time… this time I found myself thinking about her. About how she could have still been here too…

_"Obito...why...why did you do that…you could have saved yourself…why…Obito" _

_Those were all the words she managed to say before she was so overcome by tears she couldn't say anymore. Her small frame shook as her sobs echoed the clearing. The funeral was over, and all that remained was our small team or at least what was left of it. I stood without a word. It was hard to see her like this, and as I stared at her I couldn't help but feel as if I wasn't the only one. He was looking with me through my left eye. Together we watched the one he loved, the one I swore to protect. Our sensei had left right after the ceremony. He tended to be alone whenever he was depressed or upset. This left me and Rin at Obito's gravestone. I came out of my thoughts to see her on her knees, bawling. Her hands drawing circles on the cold marble as if hoping to draw him out and bring him back to life. Those small hands could bring save lives, but they could not create it... no matter how hard she tried. The rain fell around us, soaking her to the bone. I had an umbrella but she had long since left my side. I put it down and walked towards her. Kneeling beside her I put my arm around her and pulled her close to me. Any other time she would have blushed and looked away, but this time she just buried her face in my arms and cried. I held her as her body rattled with sobs and let my head lower to her shoulder. And as we sat there in that little clearing two tears slipped down my face. One from my right eye, crying for what I had lost. And one from my left eye, crying for what he had left behind._

"Sensei! You're late again"

I had no excuse today. She must have been able to see something was wrong so Sakura was quiet after that declaration. The young pink haired ninja was so much like Rin it was almost unbearable. I had long ago seen how my team was exactly like the one I was on back then. I couldn't stand to look at her, not now. Why did I get to live? Why?

"_Kakashi…Sensei...sensei is..." _

_She didn't have to say anymore. By the tears in her eyes and way looked at me I knew what was going on. Our sensei was dead. What were once four was now two. I pulled her into a hug like I did when we lost our friend and comrade. Only now it was our teacher, our role model...but again our friend. I remember sitting for hours, long after her tears had died out. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to. But that whole time my arms never let her go. I didn't want to loose her too. She was all I had left now. And I wasn't going to let her go. I promised Obito that I would protect her till the day I die… and even if it hadn't been a promise I would have done it anyway. _

Training was cancelled today... I said that I wasn't feeling well...and that was only half a lie. In truth I just couldn't handle being around them. It was her birthday today and I couldn't really face anyone right now. As I walked aimlessly through the streets of Konoha I passed many people but avoided all their eyes. Gai tried to talk to me… but after one look at my face he kept quiet and walked away. I found myself near the park and memories began to flood into my mind. This time, they were good ones.

"_Kakashi, give me a push" _

"_Rin we are here to train, not play on the swings"_

"_Just for a bit"_

_I gave in, of course I did. There had been way to much sorrow in our lives to not take advantage of these small moments where we could escape back to our childhood. Before we became ninjas, before we lost friends, before we knew the meaning of heartbreak. _

"_Higher Kakashi higher"_

_I pushed as hard as I could, but it still never seemed high enough for her. Her laughter is still clear in my mind on days like these._

I found myself in front of the hospital. I can't stand this place. It always reminds me of her. The day they brought her back…the day the four of us finally became one. The day I was finally left alone forever. I can't help but feel I didn't fulfill my promise. And that none of us were really meant for this world. There was too much heartbreak for either one of them to handle. They weren't meant to be killers or fighters. They were kind and loving and maybe they are where they are supposed to be now.

_I was 19 the day I was left alone on this earth. I was 15 the day she left me. I should have seen it coming. She was on a mission, her first without me. But, when I saw the medics run as fast as they could out of the village all I could think was that something bad happened to her. I waited for three hours. And when they came back to the village with a stretcher my heart broke, if it was even able to break anymore. There was my Rin… my beautiful flower, lying on the stretcher. Her breathing was choppy and her eyes unfocused. I knelt by her side and grabbed her hand._

"_Kakashi" she whispered and tried to gasp my hand but failed_

"_It's ok Rin, don't force it, I'm here" I whispered back, fighting back tears. _

"_your going to be ok, everything will be ok" I told her over and over that she was going to be fine, but from the look on the medics faces, I knew I was wrong. They were avoiding my gaze._

"_I'm so cold Kakashi…and you sound so far away"  
I grasped her hand tighter to show I hadn't left her_

"_I'm still here Rin, I'll never leave your side, I promise, I'm not leaving you"_

_She began get shaky as she struggle to breath. I reached down and began to lift her out of the stretcher. I looked and the medics, my single eye asking for permission. When I was granted it, I cradled her in my arms, and brushed the hair from her face. A small crowd had gathered around us. A few were crying. Her eyes looked up at me with sorrow _

"_I'm sorry Kakashi. I'm sorry"_

_I hushed her "you've don't nothing to apologize for" _

_She nodded and closed her eyes. I hugged her head to my chest and bowed my head. Then she died in my arms. She died as tears fell off my cheeks and into her hair. I'll never forget her. My angel._

I snapped out of all my thoughts when a small hand slipped into mine. I was started but I smiled when I saw Sakura looking up at me. She wiped a tear from my face and then looked up at the hospital with me.

"I'm sorry for all your losses" she said quietly.

I was shocked, I was about to ask her how she knew but she shook her head to stop me from talking. And as she walked away I knew that I hadn't really lost Rin… she lived on in my life everyday. And I am thankful for every moment I believe in my team


End file.
